Love him or hate him, Denis Leary always gives it to you straight. Honest as fuck, and hilarious as sin. The man is a legend. This is a bit from the hysterical 1997 special "Lock n' Load"...
The D man rants and raves about not being able to get a decent, regular flavored cup of coffee anymore. I COMPLETELY AGREE. I walked into a Coffee Bean the other day and the guy ahead of me ordered a large sugarfree nonfat egg nog latte. He paid with his dignity and manhood, and threw his balls in the tip jar...Egg nog latte, get a grip buddy.
And I love how people call it coffee even when IT'S CLEARLY NOT..."Oh, we're goin' on a coffee run do you want do to tag along?" Then they get there and order a fucking tall soy german chocolate dickupyourassachino...Just once I want to turn to them and say "Um, we said we were going on a coffee run. That's not fucking coffee, so you can't have that! Either dump it out and get a large regular or we're going to have some BIG problems. Then put I'd put up my dukes and address them one at a time-- " And if you've got a problem with that you can bring it up with Captain Dark Roast, and Major Dickinson here."
LAUGH NOW!
And enjoy a friendly reminder of what the BEST PART OF WAKIN' UP USED TO BE!
Somebody please explain to me the guy leaving his apartment via the fucking fire escape at the :20 mark...It's absolutely mind boggling...The coffee's so good that he doused his kitchen in gasoline and torched the place? That's the only reasonable explanation.
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