Matt Braunger Hates Dragon Blowjobs

The hilarious Portland, Oregon native Matt Braunger lets us in on what I'm pretty sure is a universally held sentiment--he hates dragon blowjobs. I don't blame him. Sure it would be a little awkward, and potentially lead to insurmountable medical bills, but who's turning down a blowjob...EVER.

It could be from a dragon.

It could be from a Piranha.

It could be from a spewing volcano.

It could be from a goddamn wood chipper.

Just put it on the lowest setting and clench your fists. At the very best you've got a new sex toy, and the next time your g/f won't give you any, you tell her "fuck you then, I'll be in the garage." And at the very worst, you've got penis mulch. You flower beds will have never been more fertile.

Sorry Braunger. You're hilarious, but no one says no to a beej. Whether its from a creepy, toothless broad, or the mythological, fire breathing keeper of the castle.

ENJOY!

Come on! Look at him! It wouldn't be so bad...Her, I mean her.