Wicked funny comedian Andy Haynes takes us through his birth control process from A to B.
I'm always torn thinking about where'd I'd flee to if I knocked a girl up: Mexico? Canada? Zimbabwe? The options are limitless. Truth is, girls are all borderline psychotic sleuths and would find you no matter where you high tailed it...
EXCEPT the ocean...God's pool baby...I'm pretty sure that's why he created it. It's a safety net for don't-wanna-be dads on the run. Girls fucking hate getting their hair wet more than anything. They'll stop chasing you as soon as the water hits their toes. Why do you think it's only MEN looking for the goddamn lost City of Atlantis...It's probably just a giant gentlemen's club filled with the happiest bushy tailed old chaps who have pockets full of cash, that would have otherwise been spent on child support. Every day is Father's Day, and wrists are used for tequila salt, not testing hot formula.
To be frank, I've done my research and I think this is probably the worst form of birth control on the market.
The Nuva Ring worries me. Girls who use it walk around and an electric blue ionic belt just appears around their waist for 2.3 seconds? I don't see how that's better than the pill. We use pills for everything. Arthritis. Muscle pain. Getting high. I don't see a ring replacing any of those. Imagine inviting your pals over for a party:
"Where are the pills, bro? I thought we were gonna RAGE, man."
"Here you go."
"What the fuck is this?"
"It's a Val-ring. You gently slide it up your ass and it releases a low dosage of hormones and Valium every 2 to 3 weeks."
That party is gonna fizzle faster than the soda on the refreshments table at Pete Wentz's suicide. Oh come on, you know people are gonna be too busy clapping to remember to put the cap back on.
Funny shit!
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