Bob Marley And The Above Ground Pool

Portland Maine's finest, Bob Marley, sets up shop at the Laugh Factory to talk about his ever illustrious yet unrelentingly embarrassing above ground pool. Above ground pools are fucking hysterical. They're pretty much the Randy Quaid of backyard recreation.

Just a giant eyesore water tank plopped on your front lawn for the world to see? Really?

The best was the ladder, that's composed of about 3 steps, hanging off the side of the thing. The type of ladder that barely qualifies as a ladder. Like the ladders that hang down the sides of Winnebagos and Conversion Vans. One false slip on that bad boy and your plunging three and a quarter feet to a bruised elbow...Extreme conditions, I know.

I wonder if the guy we never hear about, who comes in last place in Olympic swim meets 12 solid seconds behind everyone else, trains in an above ground pool. Imagine that guy swimming in circles with a pink kickboard, while his white trash trainer floats in the middle on a blow up coconut tree, wearing a camouflage, terry cloth robe and sipping jungle juice through his catheter. "Ya nevahhh gonna beat Phelps ya lousy prick. Now come on! Crawl! Crawl! Crawl!"



Let's face it, above ground pools are a poor decision. But there is however, one decision that could prove worse. That, my dearly beloved, is admitting that you would take someone's hard earned parking spot in South Boston, Massachusetts after they shed blood, sweat, booze and tears to dig it out of the molasses-like winter snow.

You're liable to wind up with slashed tires, a broken windshield, missing wipers, or worst of all...A soiled reputation...Who would do such a thing you ask? Who would even possess an ounce of the nerve capable of pulling such an unbridled stunt? Who would have the gall to throw caution, reason, and kindness to the wolves so wrecklessly all for a cozy nook on an otherwise eerie sidewalk? Who would trounce on their own good name with a pair of steel toe boots, ensuring themselves a fiery seat at the head of hell's dinner table? Have a look.