Chris Fairbanks is without a doubt one of the funniest guys working right now. His brain is a fucking mental battlefield. Here, he talks about the subtle differences in texture between Campbell's Chunky Soup and Champbell's Cunky Soup.
ENJOY!
I actually hate Campbell's Soup. It tastes like a North American Elk's runs. And I hate Reggie White's mother for always double checking with him on whether or not he had his morning dose.
Really Mrs. White? Thick, chunky, meat filled soup before a big game? How 'bout we just give him a milkshake and a bag of Sour Patch Kids during timeouts too. So he can suck wind up and down the field and then blow chunks in the Gatorade bucket.
Most mothers show up to half time with orange slices and jugs of water. Old lady White is showing up with cans of tomato bisque.
"Um, I think we're all set Mrs. White. Thanks for the offer, but we've got 2 quarters of playoff football left and I don't know if your home made fucking chowder is gonna settle well. You think you could show up with a goddamn PowerBar next time please? Something a world class athlete WOULD ACTUALLY EAT DURING A GAME!"
At least she doesn't look like a black leprechaun stripper who's best years are in her rearview. She has more miles on her than *Frank Lambert's Toyota Tacoma.
*STEP BY STEP REFERENCE....COUNT IT!
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