Saturday, February 19, 2011

Todd Glass And The Long Jerk

Fuckin' funny Philly native Todd Glass reminds us all that you CAN have too much of a good thing. Behold: The long jerk.



I just wish that there was a female version of the ever popular dismissive jerkoff motion. Guys use it all the goddamn time, but girls don't really have the option. There's nothing more rewarding than firing off an imaginary choad load into thin air. I think there has gotta be a girl brave enough out there to do a little lady cave knuckle shuffle whenever they feel it necessary to add an unfriendly gesture to their ranting about other bitches they hate, their overbearing boss, or their triflin' man. Just make a little shocker hand and give yourself a few swift clicks down there. The world would be a better place, and let's face it, it's just another monumental step on the road to "equality".

Speaking of which, just how fucking dirty was this Sanchez guy? Aren't people blowing it out of proportion a little bit? The poor bastard experimented in the bedroom by putting his fingers in V and a B at the same time and now he's labled with that name for life? Seems a little drastic. I mean, a girl did dirtier things in the bedroom to me last week and people aren't calling her Dirty Shelly. Actually let's coin that term right now.

From here on out a Dirty Shelly will be known as when a girl gracefully slides half a Venti Starbucks straw up your waste-ring and takes a sip with a load full of "youngsters" in her gullet because "she likes cream with her coffee."

Kinda looks like this, but subtract one orange and add one anus.


Sanchez isn't lookin' so filthy anymore is he?

On a lighter note, does anyone else think this guy should be tarred and feathered and mouth raped with a slimy asian skin flute? What an absolute buffoon.



I will give him credit though. "Their old man hasn't been knockin' the bottom out right" is probably one of the funniest things I've ever heard. What girl refers to their boyfriend as their "old man". Isn't that a term specifically reserved for "dad"? Which makes this guys' thought process even fucking creepier.

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