Amy Schumer's Creepy Asian Brother

The lovely, and insanely talented Amy Schumer does it again! Sidenote: She was Marc Maron's guest today on the WTF podcast and was hilarious and charming as always. Fact: Her dad's a womanizer in a wheelchair. Not an easy task. Womanizing comes naturally to me, but it's tough to be effective when your legs are outta commission. Trust me.

I tried to womanize while I was on crutches in '07. Couldn't really put my best foot forward...... It used to be that you could grab some sympathy vajay when girls saw you in a doctor ordered apparatus--wheelchair, body cast, neckbrace-- but these girls today are a different breed. The words "Awwww, you poor baby" no longer exist in vixen vernacular. Now a girl sees a guy on crutches hobbling down the street and sure they'll bang you, but not out of the kindness of their heart. It's because they can smell a chunk of that Disability pay from a 5 miles away. Goddamn pack of bloodhounds.

It's all Droopy's fault.



You can't react like that after a call girl in high heels kisses you on the forehead! Get it together Droop! You're letting them know THEY HAVE ALL THE POWER. Imagine if we all reacted that way every time a gal gave us a smooch? Smashing your head repeatedly against a telephone poll? That's a reaction specifically reserved for winning the lottery. And trust me paying a girl to have sex with you is nothing like winning the lottery. Actually, picture the exact opposite. When you win the lottery all your old friends start coming outta the woodwork. When you get a hooker all your current friends just kinda leave you alone...