I never made it to many water parks as a kid. Let's be honest, I never really graduated from the playground as far as rides go. Why? Because kids are FUCKING CRUEL. Day in and day out I tried to shine on the see-saw. I'd give it everything I had. Pump. Release. Pump. Release. But with all the fat fuck heffer's in my class I never reached my full potential even with a sell out playground crowd of 67 looking on with encouraging eyes and pulling for me. But ya know what? It's pretty hard NOT to underperform when the kid sitting opposite you is a 300 pound dump truck with Little Debbie Cake frosting coursing through his veins.
This is why I didn't get laid until I was 25 years old. I was too busy alternating ice and heat on my sore as fuck bean bag from all the see-saw pummeling it took during my formative years.
Moral of the story: I hate fat kids. They suck. They're ugly. They're bullies. And they're just gonna grow up to fat adults with shit-stained underwear and cholesterol so high you could skydive from it.
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