Drexel LSD Distribution Ring Busted Big Time

DREXEL - Authorities have charged five people, including two Drexel University students, in connection with a profitable LSD-distribution ring that operated out of a West Philadelphia home near the school’s campus. In the early morning hours Tuesday, authorities who raided the house on the 4800 block of Florence Street found 9,500 hits of acid, worth about $28,000 on the street, as well as about $10,000 in cash. Police said the alleged dealers were clearing a total of $5,000 to $15,000 weekly by selling acid for $10 to $30 per hit, often on paper printed with colorful images of Homer Simpson, SpongeBob SquarePants, and the Kool-Aid Man.

The undoubtedly gay love child of Ronald McDonald and pretty much any character from the Lion King.

Syphilis personified. This guy turned to drug distribution as a last resort career alternative after being kicked off the Enterprise during the 3rd Season of Star Trek.

Dane Cook's organic-tofu-eating hippie twin brother.

These three assholes are absolutely priceless. When I close my eyes and imagine a crackhead loon, these overachievers are exactly what I envision. I don't know much about LSD so I fuckin' wiki'd that shit. First thing that caught my eye: LSD is most commonly used as a "recreational drug". NOOOOOO SHHHIIITTTT. You don't say?!?! Get outttttta town!? I thought it was often used in the medical world as an antihistamine.

"Dr., my allergies are flaring up like a bastard."

"Here's a five refill prescription for medical acid. 4 hits a day should suffice."

I wonder if these guys were actually on the stuff when the cops came. Getting raided has to be the worst trip of all time. They just see 15 brown cows barreling through the door holding machine guns and loudly mooing orders at them. It's not like the cops could have had that hard a time detaining these sons of bitches. Call me a shithead, but I don't think LSD users are putting up too much of a scrap while getting cuffed. I bet they are the easiest people to arrest of all time. Like easier than babies. I guarantee at least 4 of them had their thumb in their mouth before the door even opened. Maybe one tried to make an escape but instead of going out the back door, he tried to climb through the toaster into another dimension where ponies wear zebra print tunics and attic mice sing you to sleep with Jordin Sparks smash hits. LSD is a hell of a drug.