Ballsy Nun Caught Stealing 4 Loko and a Beer From Liquor Store: Lawd Have Mercy!

I had a 4 Loko once last year and my heart literally tried to roundhouse kick out of my chest cavity. How the fuck is this 147 year old nun going to enjoy one without some moderate to severe side effects, like say, death. Not even the sweet lord himself can pronounce 3/4 of the ingredients in a can of that alcoholic jet engine fuel. I know Taurine is one of them. Taurine is a substance that just doesn't belong in an old timer's body. It has no purpose there. "Taurine in an old nun" could easily be a substitute for the term "bull in a china shop". Just destroying everything in it's path. It's just a fucking bully walking the hallways or your digestive/organ system. Liver stuffs himself in a locker knowing it's unavoidable anyway. Kidney's just emptying their pockets full of lunch money onto the ground at a single glance. Nerd gall bladder surrendering early and often and showing up to school with a self inflicted atomic wedgie, knowing it's less painful than having it done by Taurine. 4 Loko has a take no prisoners type of mentality, two sips of that stuff and there'd be a collection plate going around for her family at tomorrow's morning mass. Sister Act 4's plot should be a nun smuggles a stolen can of 4 loko into the convent, they all get fucking laminated, break out the holy dildo's and some blow, and get weirder than Tara Reid's tits.

Everyone's up in arms because a nun is stealing. Well, how do you know that the nun costume wasn't boosted as well? She could have broken into a church, robbed a robe or two and used it as a diversion for her bigger picture plan: Robbing a liquor store. Just because she's dressed like a nun doesn't mean she is one. I mean, Ryan Seacrest dresses like a man...