Boston comedian Gary Gulman can't seem to hide his goddamn excitement for Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby." I'll admit it remains a catchy jam after all these years, but Vanilla Ice is melting faster than the Wicked Witch of the West after a long overdue douching. The guy is a disaster. Apparently he started out as a breakdancer at the age of 13. Unfortunately the only thing spinning on the ground now are the last of his pennies that fell through the holes in his dilapidated cargo shants' pocket.
The only thing deader than Vanilla's career is the sex life of ANYONE who actually takes a vested interest in how to properly care for Emporer Scorpions.
Creepy Crawlies:
How To Care For Emperor Scorpions
Who actually took the time to shoot, edit, and post a video about taking care of scorpions? The only 3 things you should be doing if you see a scorpion are screaming bloody fucking murder, stomping it out with the nearest 2x4, or pissing down your leg and hoping the warming sensation counters the chills that just ran down your scared shitless spine. THEY'RE POISONOUS. I don't care if they're emperors or not.
The same rules apply for a Black Widow Spider, regardless of whether or not they actually lost a husband. Stuff your sympathy in a sack and run like you fucking stole something. Because you're a bitch if you DIE from a spider bite...FACT.
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