Hilarious Canadian comedian (oxymoron, I know) Mike Ward fills us in on why he and his wife can't seem to reproduce.
I hope, for my wife's sake, that she's a fertile Myrtle because if not it's gonna be borderline impossible for me to bite my tongue around the house. Especially when she asks me to do annoying, tiresome shit.
"Honey, do you think you could take out the garbage? And the shutters could use a fresh coat of polyurethane."
"Yea sure thing carebear. I'll get on that...Right after you shit out a boy...Or a girl. Really it doesn't matter, all I know is if you're not GOING into labor, then I'm not DOING any.
Having kids would be great as long as they don't wind up like this human coat hanger...
Dear lord, hun. I don't know where to start. I mean how do you come back from this video? The poor girl refuses to brush her teeth because she's afraid of the possible high calorie count in TOOTHPASTE!?!? Her bones look like peanut brittle.
If I was a scientist, this little toothpick would be on my shit list. They've spent years doing tests and research on how long it takes the average human body to decompose (40 to 50 years). This girl would skew the numbers like a bastard. When she dies, like next Tuesday, she'll be nothing but a pair of eyeglasses in about 13 minutes tops.
She's emptier than Chuck Sheen's dick. HEYYYOOOOO!
If I ever have kids I'm going to hire another kid to beat them for me. Thanks for the tip.
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