Haunted Vaginas?: Women Are Crazy.

"Researchers hypothesized that women may hold off or speed up when they go into labor in order to avoid giving birth on holidays with negative connotations, such as Halloween, and aim for giving birth on 'positive' holidays, such as Valentine's Day," ABC News reports.



Well what do you know, another spot-on example of women being absolutely TWEAKED. You've gotta be fucking kidding me. I was just starting to come to grips with the taking 4 hours to get ready before you go out, the pissy mood if the toilet seat is left up, and the drinking Diet Coke like it's the fountain of youth and now you hit me with this? Forcing your vagina to with-hold your baby from the world because of the spookiness that accompanies Halloween? What is this, a fucking poker game, ladies? You can't pick and choose when to play that hand, when that water breaks it's time to fold and shit that little twat-terrorist out no matter what time of year it is.

I think this is bass ackwards thinking anyways. Have you ever witnessed a childbirth? The whole process has Halloween themes in spades. There's screaming, blood, crying, more screaming, more blood, fleeing fathers. Everytime a woman poops out a kid it's like a scene from Nightmare on Elm Street, except it doesn't last two hours, it lasts 18 years. They should be embracing the terror, not postponing it. They should be answering their door while the baby is crowning and pushing that newborn out right into a trick or treater's candy filled pillowcase. Give those little pumpkin smashers some responsibility, not to mention the scariest October 31st of their lives.

"How was trick or treating, Timmy? You get anything good."

"Um, well, I got a few Milky Ways."

"Nice."

"Couple 100 Grands"

"Solid."

"6 Almond Joys."

"Booyeah!"

"And a 8 pound 5 ounce baby boy."

"Bummer. Time to drop out of school and get a job, I guess."

Hey, at least he doesn't have to worry about picking out an outfit for next year. Throw some spit up on your shirt and bags under your eyes cuz you're going as a teenage dad! The scariest costume of them all.