TODDLER HIT BY TRUCK - THE CHINESE : RETARDED SMART PEOPLE

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this breaking news bulletin: CHINESE PEOPLE ARE THE GREEK GODS OF RETARDATION.



HOLY. RUCKING. SHIT. I literally can't believe my eyes. SPEECHLESS. I can't understand a word of this news reporter's jibberish but I'm fairly certain he's saying "Sum yung foo hit by car. Sum yung foo hit by car. 14 people ralk by. No one help. Chicken Teh-yaki. Like a sampa? Like a sampa? Ror the ruv of christ, someone help ris road kill baby!"

Honestly, for a brilliant country that has pumped out Sega Genesis, all of the fool's gold on my Little League trophies, and pop culture slash mini back pack extraordinaire Hello Kitty this is pretty fucking dumb. 14 people walk by this dying child with their thumbs up their wonton like nothing is happening. I get it, you're a wee bit grossed out because there are toddler guts on the ground, BUT pick up your fucking Samsung, Samsung, and make a phone call! I can only imagine what 911 operators sound like in China:

"9-1-1 Ruts your emergency?"
"My baby got run over and he's splattered everywhere!"
"And dennnnn?"
"And then 14 people walked by and didn't help at all!"
"And dennnnnnnn??"
"And then my child IS FUCKING DYING HERE? PLEASE HELP"
"Pickup ror derivery?"

The poor kid is brain dead and probably won't make it because the driver is a fucking moron. That was a good twenty five feet he had to pump the brakes before he wailed that helpless tyke. He admitted he was texting. I would love to see how that text message changed between the front wheel run-over and the back wheel run-over. We've all had to make the "adjustment text".

"Yea Jimmy, we got shitttttt cannnnned last night. I'm still cocked like a bastard on my way to work in the big white van! WTF was Tommy wearing last night? He looked like a penguin! LMAO! Ready to do it all again tonight and--

----THUMP----

--"Hey Jimmy, last night was cool I guess. Um listen, I just hit a kid. I think it's bleeding. Don't tell anyone or I'll kill you. Count me out for tonight. Can I borrow your passport?"

----THUMP----