IS JESSICA BLIMPSON PREGNANT OR NOT?

The Crack Up's never been much of a gossip rag but enough already, is this bitch preggers or not? The suspense is KILLING ME! *makes 4 consecutive armpit farts*

PopSugar.com reports (http://popsu.gr/20101307):

"Jessica Simpson hopped out of a car in LA Friday afternoon in a tight black outfit. Her fitted dress and open sweater showed off what appeared to be a noticeable baby bump after weeks of speculation that Jessica Simpson is pregnant. Recent photos of the star have done little to quiet the rumors, but Jessica hasn't addressed the issue yet. She's been focused on work, including her upcoming teen clothing line with Ashlee Simpson and new fine jewelry company, and spending time with family. Jessica went home to Texas earlier this month and was spotted out with her mom and sister in Santa Monica over the weekend."

Jessica Simpson's decline rivals that of the Roman Empire. She went from an absolute dime to someone I wouldn't sit next to in a movie theatre nevermind have sex with. If the rumors really are true and this platinum blonde dinner roll is having a kid then god bless that poor little bastard. His first words will undoubtedly be "Oh, fuck no" when they wipe the placenta from his eyes and he gets a good look at who's vagina he just came out of. Talk about being dealt an unlucky hand. If that kid has half a brain then the second he learns to walk he should march over to Nick Lachey's house with a suitcase and a diaper bag and move in. Something tells me old Nicky boy doesn't regret his decision to break it off with that drooling wildabeast and trade up for this:

I get it, people like routing for the underdog, which is why I tried to stick by Simpson's side through thick and thin. But pretty soon thick sat on thin and snuffed thin out with her cottage cheese ass cheeks. LIGHTBULB! Maybe she should just take a pregnancy test! Ya know, end the speculation once and for all because the fucking jig is up Jess. You're using the alleged bun in your oven to get away with murder in the buffet line. you can't just say you're pregnant so people won't judge you for eating like you're pregnant. I don't walk around telling women im dying of cancer just to get pity blowjobs....I tell them my little brother has Parkinson's.