Manitoba hockey hazing - Water Bottles Tied To a Ballsack?

Manitoba hockey hazing shocks parents - Canada - Canoe.ca

CBC – A 15-year-old hockey player in Manitoba was forced to parade around the dressing room with water bottles tied to his genitals, the teen’s parents alleged Wednesday in an effort to end hazing rituals in minor hockey.The parents described their son’s hazing experience in a CBC News interview on Wednesday, a day after the Manitoba Junior Hockey League suspended the Neepawa Natives’ coaches and 16 players for hazing incidents involving five team members. The hockey league refused to provide details of what occurred, but the teen’s parents told CBC News their son first had to compete in a “rookie dance-off,” in which new players were “encouraged to dance to sexy music and remove their clothing” in the team’s dressing room, the father said. Because he did not score well in the dance-off, the 15-year-old boy had to undergo another ritual — which the team referred to as “Tug” — in which he was held down while a water bottle carrier, loaded with bottles and towels, was tied to his scrotum with a string. “They told me that he had to tie a string around his scrotum and had to pull around water bottles around the dressing room floor three times,” the boy’s father said.

Well, it's fairly safe to say that they are doing some seriously fucked up shit in Canadian hockey locker rooms. I wouldn't actually classify this as hazing. When I was growing up this was just simply called "being gay". Gayzing. The only way this gets any gayer is if the team strips nude, puts their helmets on and does an elephant walk around the rink while "Jesse's Girl" blares through the arena speakers and Two Guys, One Cup lights up the jumbotron.

This is hockey for fuck's sake. A gritty, hardnosed, skilled man's sport. These kids are sucking the "badass" right out of it with their cunty little antics. I love how these punks are delusional enough to think that the joke is on the kid with the water bottles tied to his balls. No my sons, the joke is on the perverted, deeply troubled ass bag who invented this queer as folk "Tug" ceremony in the first place. That little douche has been in the closet so long he's starting to smell like his dad's 1980's ski parka. What ever happened to a good old fashioned Bobby Budnick "awful waffle", or a merciless 2 minute swirly in shit water so bad that Waste Management would be double bagging Hazmat suits before even thinking about going near it? Now kids are teabaggin' each other's chins, drawing big throbbin' dicks one another's faces and makin' their TEAMMATES do locker room strip teases. Doesn't sound like hockey players at all. Sounds like a typical Saturday night for the cast of The Nutcracker.

No disrespect to the Nutcracker. They're a talented bunch. I was dragged to that shit as a kid and actually ended up somewhat enjoying the parts I didn't sleep or cuss through. But bros, if you're doing ballet you gotta be at least a little light in the loafers, no? Those Pirouettes are THE BOMB but they are definitely gonna score you more dicks than chicks. Unless you're talking about the Pepperidge Farm chocolate rolled wafers, because all girls are bascially just middle school fat kids at heart.