Occupy Shitheads

Comic Travis Irvine hits the streets of Manhattan to expose the Occupy Wall Street faithful for the queefing ass clowns they really are.



These whining hillbillies can Occupy the bottom of the ocean for all I care. Grow up. I understand that you're protesting economic inequality and corporate greed but this is America and that shit isn't going anywhere. We're awful people by nature, it's basically what makes us great.

A sweet old lady and I walked right into each other in the supermarket the other day and not a word was spoken. I should've said sorry but I didn't feel like it. She should've said sorry but she was older than wood. We just grimaced at one another like the fucking Wild West, gave each other the "why I oughtta!..." look, and silently fucking bid each other farewell. I don't know about you, but I want to live in a country where it's OKAY to not feel bad about that.

That country is America, we take the bad with the goddamn good. You want a job then you go out and get one like everybody else. It's not heart surgery. Some of the dumbest people I know are employed, but at least they have the common sense to haul their asses in outta the cold and take a fucking shower. Who the hell is gonna hire a misfit living in a tent next to Ernie's Bodega, smelling like a llama's taint.

Besides, if you're really that desperate for money then swallow your pride and start giving blowjobs. We all too often forget that prostitution is our great nation's oldest (and most noble) profession. Come on! Be a self starter you lazy bastards. Where's your sense of entrepreneurship? If you're having trouble CLIMBING the corporate flagpole then maybe it's time you GO DOWN on one instead. Show a little goddamn patriotism and every time you feel like protesting the power and influence of big fish corporations in our financial sector, just do us all favor and 1. pick up toaster 2. fall into bathtub.

BUT ABOVE ALL ELSE...

GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE STREET...Because unlike you, I have a job...That I have to drive to...And fuck, do I hate traffic.


P.S. I seriously had no remorse about the old lady thing. I saw her 12 minutes later in the dairy section and started egging her Rascal. Does that make me a bad person? Ah, fuck it, America rules! God, it's late *yawn* and I gotta get up early for WORK TOMORROW...