Condom Company Scaring the Shit Out of Facebook Users

Huff Po – Getting Facebook friended by your mom is officially the second most horrifying experience in social media. A Brazilian condom maker is attempting to scare its market base into wearing protection by sending young men friend requests from their unborn sons, advertising and design blog AdVerve reports. Olla Condom’s “Unexpected Babies” campaign creates Facebook profiles for future baby boys by taking an existing profile’s user name and tacking on “Jr.” to the end of it. The unsuspecting male Facebook user then receives a friend request from his virtual offspring, along with the message “Avoid surprises like this one” and a link to Olla’s website. “Men like a lot of things, but there is something most of them wouldn’t like very much,” a YouTube video from the company explains, before playing audio of a crying infant. AdWeek points out one other minor detail. “Kind of a clever idea, though labor intensive,” the site says. “And surely against Facebook’s usage guidelines.”

Part of me just feels bad for these poor condom companies a.k.a. the champions of failure. For years they've been fighting the biggest losing battle of all time - trying to get dumb fuck kids to bang each other safely. Well I'm sorry Olla, it just ain't happening. I don't care who you are, we all hate condoms. They are the fun assassins of sex. Sex with a condom is like taking the sugar out of ice cream. Sure you're left with something that's edible but it tastes like the inside of a Britta filter. And now with the morning after pill and birth control no one should ever wear a condom ever again. There should be a Boston Condom Tea Party, where we just dump chests of rubbers into the harbor while we wear white wigs, sip fine wine, and raw dog girls senseless. The first time I nutted in a girl I was running around the next morning trying to scrounge up loose change for her CVS "take care of it" costs like those kids from the Sandlot trying to scrap together money for a new ball after Smalls hit the shit out of his first dinger into Hercules's yard. Benny Rodriguez was an overachieving cunt by the way. Yeah, I said it. Regardless, it was the most fun I've ever had.

Just a couple questions on the facebook front. Does de-friending your baby get you out of paying child support? If I f-book stalk my unborn child will there be a picture album from the future titled "Precious" of us playing pattycake while I rip menthols in a wifebeater (because that would be freaky accurate). If my baby creates an Event titled "Being Born" can I RSVP "Maybe" while I take a few months and decide on how I'm going to broach the abortion subject with mommy?

And what the fuck Olla? What's up with trying to scare us with babies? Babies aren't even the worst thing that can happen from unprotected sex. How about AIDS? The old HIV HIV Hooray! I'd say that's a tad bit worse than a cute little button nose bundle of joy. You should be friend requesting us with pictures of Magic Johnson not cute little mushy faces. I'd rather change a kid's diaper than my own, after my immune system craps out and I lose control of my bowels on a frumpy ghetto mattress at the free clinic.