Virgin Couple: The Worst Kiss in History

In the entire history of mankind, there has never been a more terribly unsatisfying on-screen kiss as this one here. These two are the absolute fucking heroes of awkwardness. It's like a baby blue bird pecking his dinner out of his mother's open beak. Cavemen, dinosaurs, starfish, wickens, chickens, Magic The Gathering players, one legged paleontologists and blind poodles are all better kissers than these inbreds. Basically every living, breathing THING on God's green earth can pucker up better than the two jabroni's in this promo for TLC's new show: The Virgin Diaries.



What the hell is even written in a virgin's diary?

Day 1: Staying strong.

Day 2: Having a hard time staying strong.

Day 3: A.D.I.D.A.S.

Day 4: I fucked a peanut butter and jelly sandwich today. I'm starting to crack.

I mean, look at the frenzy TLC has created. After watching that ad, parents are so worried that their children are gonna grow up kissing like retarded woodpeckers that they are putting their CHILDREN on a strict regiment of nightly practice makeout sessions with plastic dolls.

Kudos to my man here goin' straight up tongue nasty on the Courtney Love of the doll world - Strawberry Shortcake. It's never too early to learn the value of a solid frenching session. The only way this backfires is if practice-kissing dolls at 2 years old turns into an unstoppable appetite for fucking them at 25.