"As you bounce from house to house and in-law to in-law next weekend, spreading the holiday cheer, make sure you do it in style. Like in this getup from our friends at Need Supply."
Life After Denim Shawl Collar Coat ($168). General Assembly Corduroy Blazer ($138). Life After Denim Striped Crew ($78). Life After Denim Slim Fit Chino ($78). Raen Lomis Sunglasses ($105). Norse Projects York Beanie ($50). Billykirk Brass Buckle Belt ($135). Billykirk Waxed Cotton Large Caryall ($295). H by Hudson Cruise Boot ($275). Property Of... Alf Wallet ($56). Woolrich John Rich & Bros. Cashmere Scarf ($250).
Awwwwwww, cut the shit.
www.Uncrate.com is like a "dude's" website where bro's can go on and check out cool gadgets, cars, camping gear, whatever the fuck you're into, and every so often they do a Garb section. They give each Garb post a theme and suggest an "outfit" for you to wear while doing whatever dumbass activity it is that they've encompassed in the theme. This particular Garb section was the tip of the fucking iceberg for me. I can't take this shit anymore.
First of all who the fuck dresses like this? House Hopping? Is that even a thing? These are the clothes I'm supposed to wear to go see my in-laws? If anyone's father-in-law saw them in this monkey suit they'd go upside their head with a shoe horn.
"Really pal? You're fucking my daughter dressed like Sherlock Holmes? Hey Paddington Bear, how 'bout you toss those red velvet pants in the cedar closet for a while and put on a pair dungarees. Throw that gay blazer in a wood chipper, this isn't Masterpiece Theatre, and chuck the scarf so I'm no longer tempted to strangle you with it."
I don't understand who these fucking magazines are appealing to when they throw these outfits together. You would look like a certified ass clown if you threw on all those clothes and strolled out the front door. Like "Holy shit this kid is trying too hard. He looks like he snuck onto the Titanic, beat the piss out of Leo, and stole his clothes like some kind of asshole." Obviously this is in my humble, humble opinion and I could be wrong (doubtful). Maybe chicks dig this stuff (doubtful) and the guy who wears his stylish House Hopping getup pounds pussy on the reg (highly doubtful).
P.S. Has anyone ever looked at the prices on this stuff. If any man is spending $275 dollars on shoes that don't either make him faster than Flash or shoot fire from the heel, then he deserves a swift kick to the dick.
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