Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Drunk Chick Eats Shit On a Railing



This video is absolute perfection. Girl just flat out eats shit, not in one of those America's Funniest Home Videos type of ways, but in a very "call 911, the bitch isn't breathing" type of way. That's pure skull on concrete after that tumble, a recipe that usually ends sucking down a chicken parm milk shake for dinner, and then staring blankly out the window while a nurse sponges down your decaying body on a sleep number bed.

In her defense the bannister slide is something that kids of all ages have been trying to perfect for fucking centuries. I guarantee your goddamn grandparents were bannister sliding back in their salad days, and guess what, 100 years later we're no fucking better at it than they were. Sure we've all tried it, and had some success. But we've also all almost shit snowshoes because of a few close calls. You tip one way, the railing bends the other, center of gravity is gone and you have a fucking decision to make - get off the rail mid-slide and hope you land in some kind of way that doesn't involve your balls being bulldozed into your asshole, or commit to the rail like true wildcard and die a hero. Because this bitch was so shitcanned the choice was already made for her, except there was nothing heroic about her demise. She just devoured a humiliation reuben while her friend yodeled at the top of the stairs like some kind of hack opera singer. In this case, it was over WAY before the fat lady sang.

Oh and incase you need more proof that a lot of girls do stupid shit here's a picture of a bride that wore a 2 mile long dress just for show on her wedding day like a fucking jackass.



If I was a groomsman in that wedding I would have driven two miles away during the ceremony, got to the end of the dress and taken an absolutely medieval shit on the thing. Nobody back at the church would have any clue that she got married in a pooped on dress, but I would, and that's enough to put me to bed smiling.

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