Man Skydiving from Space - What a Complete Ass

Yahoo – This summer, Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner will attempt to break the world record for the longest jump, plummeting more than 23 miles from the Earth’s stratosphere. To prepare for the jump, Baumgartner will breath pure oxygen for nearly an hour to remove nitrogen bubbles from his blood. He will then stay at the peak elevation for three hours, allowing his body to adjust. He will then jump in a pressurized suit that will prevent his blood from boiling at the extremely high elevation.

Sometimes you eat one hot dog, and the person sitting next to you eats two. You do three cartwheels in a row and the show off prick in the same gym class bangs out 4 of them. "One uppers" are fucking everywhere, they are like Visa credit cards and the clap. This asshole Felix is a classic one-upper, and if I was Neil Armstrong I'd moonwalk my sluggish, 81 year old ass over to his house and make him gargle my sperm comets.

How bored do you have to be with plain old sky diving to go off the deep end and take up "SPACE" sky diving. Like when someone brings up a regular 30,000 foot sky dive in front of this douche, does he just yawn and squeal sarcastically, "woweeee....big whooop".

I just don't understand how he's going to go through with this leap of faith with how much time he's got during the prep process to actually THINK about what he's doing. I mean, an hour on an pure oxygen tank, then three hours hanging out at the peak elevation. You would think with 4 fucking hours to let it sink in you might say "hmmm, I'm about to sky dive into nothingness and probably burn myself into 4 billion particles before I even come close to entering the earth's atmosphere, maybe it's time for a new hobby. Those holistic pottery classes at the Junior Women's club actually don't sound so bad right about now."

The problem is, there's gotta be a trained astronaut who has the responsibility of driving this eager beaver to space, and he's not gonna be too fucking happy if Felix Baumgartner decides to back out at the last minute.

"You ready Felix? We've reached your jumping elevation."

"You know, kinda having second thoughts."

"Say what now?"

"This whole thing is just a little ridiculous if you think about it. I can't skydive into the galaxy, that's insane."

"I'm giving you 4 seconds to bunny hop your bitch ass out the door or I'm going to shoot you in the dick and then in the face. You dragged me all the way up here TO FUCKING SPACE, and now you're going to pussy out? I think not you son of a bitch. I gave you a ride to outerspace pal, not the mall. JUMP MOTHERFUCKER!"

One small step for man, one giant douchebag who wants to make the papers.