MADISON, Wis. - A 34-year-old man was taken to a hospital after jumping out of a moving car early Tuesday morning because he couldn’t stand bickering with his girlfriend any longer. Police said the man had taken his girlfriend out for her birthday Monday night, but as they drove home in the back of a friend’s car, he said he had it with bickering with his girlfriend. The couple evidently spent much of the birthday night in a dispute over a possible move to another state, according to a Madison Police Department incident report. Police said the man couldn’t stand it any longer and wanted to get out immediately, so instead of waiting for the car to stop, he opened a rear passenger door and stepped out, or fell out, onto busy East Washington Avenue about 1 a.m. Tuesday. The victim hit his head while tumbling from the moving vehicle in the 3200 block of East Washington Avenue and was taken to a hospital with a brain bleed.
The only way this story gets any better is if the boyfriend was actually driving the car - careening toward a cliff at a 75 mile an hour clip AND THEN jumped out. Sure he's picking up a few more bumps and bruises, but a broken collarbone and a few lacerations is a small price to pay to put that nagging blood hound out to pasture.
We all get in fights with our significant others, but it's the way we react to the situation that separates the stiffs from the legends. Some guys yell and scream, and decide to fight the un-winnable uphill battle that is a girlfriend dispute- STIFFS. And then you have this fine young gentleman who LITERALLY takes the low road and jumps out of a speeding vehicle- LEGEND. This son of a bitch was literally ready to throw his life on the line to get away from the fire breathing sorceress who, at that moment, was fucking up his life in the worst way possible. He thought to himself:
"Holy shit shut up. Holy shit shut up. Holy shit shut up. Wait a second! That's right! Jeremy took the child locks off this piece of shit two weeks ago. I'm poppin' that door open and fuckin' jumping. Sure, I may not make it, but I'd rather die in silence than live with this motor-mouthed set of tits. I'll just scream "well here goes nothin!" and then jump...Wait, wait. I can't have my last words be "well here goes nothin'". If I'm gonna potentially die on the side of the road in the next thirty seconds I gotta go out with some motherfucking sparkle. Something witty. Something to remember me by. Something awesome...
*opens car door*
"YOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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