PORT ST. LUCIE, Florida — A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought. Police say 18-year-old Michael Smeriglio first lied to police saying someone shot him while he was walking down the street. After being questioned by police he admitted to accidentally doing it himself. Doctors say the bullet went through his penis, his left testicle and then lodged itself in his thigh. While police were investigating at the home where it happened, they discovered marijuana in the house. That led to the arrest of the homeowner Joseph Lamar James, 22, on drug charges.
"Cleaning a gun he just bought" baffles me. You haven't even used it yet buddy. How dirty could that piece have been? It irritates me, it's a waste of soap and water or whatever the fuck else you use to clean a gun. It's like the people who wash BRAND NEW sheets before they throw them on the bed. I don't get it. Fresh out of the box is fresh out of the box. Unless you took the sheets out, laid them under a donkey with a gag reflex, and stuck a tongue depressor down it's throat then I think you're okay to put those babies on for a week or two before the first wash. Same goes for the Nina.
The problem for this kid now is that he's in an EXTREMELY elite club. The Harvard chess club is LESS exclusive than the "people who have shot their dicks clean off club". It happens like once every 20 years and when it does it's hilarious. Unfortunately, he won't be able to enjoy the comedy the NEXT time this happens to someone else. His buddies will be sitting around laughing about how joe blow from West Virginia accidentally gave his dick a hot lead injection while going down on his sister, and there Joseph Lamar James will be staring at the ground in complete silence, praying to sweet Jesus that the focus of the conversation doesn't shift to him, which it will, because he also happened to shoot his dick which only happens to like 4 people a century. Fuck Wall Street, those are the real 1 percenters. Hanes doesn't make bulletproof briefs Joey boy, gotta be careful with that glock.
But time will pass and soon it will get easier for poor Joseph. He won't be the butt of the jokes anymore, he'll be the tip.
P.S. I can't even imagine explaining this situation to a chick that you're about to hookup with:
*kiss, smooch*
"Why are you stopping?"
"Well, I just think there's something you should know before this goes any further..........So...... like......two years ago.........I shot my dick off......"
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