Jesus Was Married?

Boston Globe, CAMBRIDGE -- A Harvard professor has identified what appears to be a scrap of fourth century Egyptian papyrus that contains the first known explicit reference to Jesus as married, a discovery that could fuel the millennia-old debate about priestly celibacy in the Catholic church.

The fragment, which has been preliminarily authenticated but still must undergo further testing, portrays Jesus as referring to a woman as his legitimate disciple -- most likely his wife, whom the text’s author probably believed to be Mary Magdalene.

The text is not evidence Jesus was married, said the professor, Karen L. King, a historian of early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School, who is scheduled to discuss her discovery at an international gathering of Coptic scholars in Rome on Tuesday. But she said it may cast new light on the history of early Christianity, including the formation of Christian views of celibacy and whether women were members of Jesus’s inner circle, issues still intensely relevant to the Catholic church, which allows only celibate men to be priests.

“The issue has far from gone away,” King said.


The fragment is smaller than a business card, and appears to have been torn from the middle of a page of a codex, or primitive book, written in a southern Egyptian dialect. Its owner, who declines to be identified publicly, does not know where it was found.

It contains just eight broken lines, scrawled in a crude Coptic hand.

The fourth says: “… Jesus said to them, ‘My wife….”

The next line reads: “…she will be able to be my disciple.”


I did a goddamn triple take when I saw the headline for this story, but it all makes sense. Of course J.C. was married. Pounding wine, hangin' out with his bro-ciples on the regular, neglecting haircut appointments because, what's the use, he knows his days of getting pussy are on death row. These are all acts of married men. Doesn't matter if you're Tom Cruise, Jesus Christ, or Joe Blow from Fort Worth Texas, the old ball and chain is gonna get on your last nerve. Often times to the point where you would do anything to get outta the house for a bit, even if it includes going through the headache of trying to feed a thousand people with two fish and two loaves of bread. That sounds like a shitty time...but not shittier than cleaning the gutters and detailing the Volvo.

The poor guy was just trying to stay busy and stay out of the Mrs.'s hair. The last supper was a textbook guy's night out. Although, "healing the blind" is a fairly un-buyable excuse for staying out late. "Oh, Really Mr. Big Shot miracle worker, you're using that one again? What do you think I was born yesterday immaculately? Get in the den and dust the flatscreen. My parents will be here at 7."

P.S. What was Mary thinking anyway? You aren't exactly going to clean up in that divorce toots.

"Jesus, I'm leaving you and I'm taking half of everything."

"Fair enough, here you go."

*hands her one sandal*