I Hate This Pillow

I'd like to start off by saying fuck this pillow. Now, that being said, fuck this pillow. Furthermore, fuck this pillow.

If you're asking why I hate this pillow so goddamn much it's because it costs $640.00, American. I just popped a blood vessel typing that. I'm outraged. Just doing a little online Christmas shopping for my girlfriend and I stumble across this fucking thing. 640 bones! Moderate sized repairs to the Statue of Liberty don't cost that much. What asshole is actually decorating their couch with a round trip flight to Punta Cana? It's a fucking pillow! You put a bicuspid under a $640.00 pillow, the tooth fairy isn't leaving you a couple singles, she's leaving you an invoice:

"1 pixy travel charge: $62.50
1 pain in the ass window entry fee: $162.00
1 smelly tooth pickup charge: $247.50
Shipping and handling: $22.99
TOTAL: $494.99

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Nice pillow you irrational prick." She knows you've got the loot.

I'm sure it's not even comfortable. It's probably filled with that hard throw pillow filling which I'm pretty sure is just clumps of frozen dog shit. You ever tried to lay your head on a throw pillow? Your body immediately rejects it. Your neck cranes, your feel it in your back, you lay there for a few seconds thinking "maybe it'll just magically get comfortable if I give a minute", then you immediately throw it across the room at the nearest wall, asian, left handed dwarf, or terrorist, depending on where you are. Gimme a regular old $20.00 pillow from Ames and I'm happier than a puppy with two peters. I'm not even cheap but the only thing I'd pay $640.00 for is uppercutting the creator of the $640.00 pillow in the dick.