Arj Barker And The Heckler

What can you say about Arj Barker? The guy is fucking hysterical, especially when he's handling dumb twat hecklers in the audience.



I mean really though? His girlfriend wouldn't bang him because she had an ice cream headache? Seems a little absurd. It's pretty much the second worst I've ever heard. The first was when my girlfriend said we couldn't have sex because her dad was in the room (We were all watching TV together.):

(Her--heavy whisper) "We can't have sex."

(Me--talking normally) "Why the fuck not?"

(Her--heavy whisper) "My dad is fucking breathing right over there."

So I got up and choked him out. Still no sex. Communication was never our strong suit.

Flash to the funeral:

Her: We can't have sex.

Me: Why the fuck not?

Her: My dad is lying right over there.

Women are impossible.

But NOT as impossible as this optical illusion.



I HATE optical illusions. Who the fuck likes being tricked? Nobody. Although I don't know how this guy isn't making bed blankets out of that cut out black paper stuff. Every cheating husband in America would invest. Wife walks in on you:

"No honey, you didn't see me bangin' a French Maid hussy. What you saw was an optical illusion."

"Oh hehe, I'm so silly. Sorry for the mixup baby. I hate optical illusions."

"Everybody does pumpkin nose, everybody does."

*WINK*

Arj Barker Comedy Festival Gala 2009

Say what you want, but the man is fucking hysterical. Arj Barker is underrated, plain and simple. He destroyed at the Comedy Festival Gala in 2009 and continues to bring down the house everytime he takes the stage. Click the link for tix to his upcoming shows.

He seems to think the sun has a problem. I think it's moon that has the fucking problem. Lunar eclipses are downright fucking rude. "Hey! Down in front, moon!" Fucking standing in front of someone like that? Apparently they aren't really teaching manners at zero gravity. Talk about stealing someone's lime light. Am I right? Am I right?

Can you say "only child" syndrome? Our moon is a spoiled, rotten brat. But you don't see Jupiter's MOONS pulling that bullshit. They learned the values of sharing, comeraderie, and brotherhood. It's more of an all for one scenario over there compared to our moon's ridiculously dickish attitude.

LAUGH NOW!