Jim Norton Loves His Body

Jim Norton is awkward and out of shape.....and fucking hilarious. Easily one of my favorite comedians for a long time goin' now. The guy's a pro's pro. Here, he just simply explains the sheer hatred and uselessness of his pasty, unsettling physique...A feeling that's as familiar to me as firing off a sleeping bag sized load into an oven mitt, forgetting it's there and using it a week later to pull a sugar Bundt cake out of the oven...SURPRISE, now I've got more "kids" on my arm than Christopher Board at Busch Gardens...

Yes, folks, you guessed it. He's a convicted pedophile. And judging by that nice shirt and houndstooth jacket, he too is a pro's pro. A master of his craft if you will. And by craft I mean banging the happy-go-lucky-cheese-lovin'-cherubs in the Kraft Singles commercials.

HAIL NORTON!



SIDENOTE TO ANYONE WHO CARES. THIS ITEM IS DANGEROUS.

IT recently, and unexpectedly entered my life during a night of passion with a special female and changed my entire atmosphere for the forseeable future. It may look small and harmless, but this thing revs up like a goddamn buzz saw. It was convulsing like a baby cockatoo slipping into a critical epillectic seizure.

Unfortunately, I HAVE NOW BEEN REPLACED BY AN OSCILLATING CHICKEN EGG ATTACHED TO A BATTERY PACK...Man may still be smarter than technology in the workplace, but we've been surpassed in the bedroom. If girls start getting their hands on this thing, I don't think any of us boobs will ever have sex again...