Mike Kosta Helps The Blind

Breakout comic Mike Kosta is hilarious. Here, he talks about his noble empathy for the disabled.



As the old wives tale goes, masturbation can cause permanent blindness. Um, objection your honor. If this were true I'd be walking into the living room with a towel and feeling around for the shower head. I've been "badgering the witness" since I was eleven and I can see more clearly now the rain is gone than Jimmy Cliff (that's a suspect reference at best). Point is, abusing the wicked stick does not effect the way we SEE the world at all...However, if done publicly, it might start to the affect the way the world SEES YOU.

But I like where Kosta's head is at. On a similar note, I once convinced a partially deaf history buff that I had a hearing aid signed by General Custer on my cock. Not only did she find out the hard way that I was lying, but I had to lip-sync my entire half-assed apology holding a musket and two bayonets...Because I don't know how to sign. I mean for christ's sake I live in LA. I gotta learn that Spanish bullshit before I learn how to magically flick my fingers into an understandable phrase. Some people claim Latin is a "dead language"...Well what does that make sign language, cremated? What's deader than a language on mute? Sign language is like the Amy Winehouse of communication. Too soon?

Obviously, I jest. The only real dead language out there is the one that rockstar muppet baby, Animal speaks.



WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY. YOU. SPED. This fucking guy is more dense than wedding cake mix. I don't have the foggiest idea what he's saying. He's like a shaggy caveman who just so happens to be musically gifted? I don't know who the enabler is that gave Animal, a candidate for solitary confinement, a goddamn drum set, but they should be tarred, feathered and gang raped by kangaroos. On a lighter note I don't think he had to worry about waking the neighborhood with his late night practice sessions, because I'm fairly certain when he moved to the block, the neighbors starting packing faster than Kate Middleton will after Prince William finally owns up to his sexuality and blows a Buckingham Palace security guard.

Oh yea, you know what else is cool? Skype sex.

Mike Kosta Wears Noise Cancelling Headphones When He Jerks Off

MIKE KOSTA IS FUCKING HILARIOUS! Hailing from Michigan, this man is an intolerable dickhead in every sense of the word and it's absolutely magnificent. He explains why it's calming to wear his noise cancelling headphones while he strangles his yogurt slinger.

I personally enjoy pumping "Sounds From The Vatican" through my 500 Watt speakers while I take ol' one eye to the optometrist. The crowd goes ballistic when the old bastard shows his pleather mug over the balcony. The cheers and whistles provide the massive amounts of encouragement I need to cover up the overall shame. Especially if I'm on number 4 for the day.

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Michael Kosta - Should Be More Professional
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Couldn't help myself. Had to throw in a bonus clip about his "steakhouse date" with a vegan because it makes me happy.

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Michael Kosta - Steakhouse Date
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Let's be honest. Being a vegan is fucking weird. But I'll tell you what's weirder: This fucking video showcasing the new rage in body art: 3-D Tattoos.




REALLLLLLLLLY???? You set that video to Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible", that's SIMPLY amazing.

I'll tell you what's not amazing, the :50 second mark with the douche-mitten who has a 3-D tarantula on his shoulder. Can you get possibly get anymore fucked up?

I've haven't been that creeped out since the magician at my 4th grade birthday party pulled a dead rabbit out of his hat. They can't survive in there you DICKS! If I've said it once I've said a thousand times, A TOP HAT IS NOT A BUNNY'S NATURAL HABITAT! It's the equivalent of a dark well to a kindergartner. 10 times out of 10 you're pulling out a carcass. Murder isn't magic.